Happy in Silence

Am I happy,

Or just distracted?

Is silence my enemy,

Or my most honest friend?

What are these voices I'm hearing?

Screaming to show me the truth,

Or shouting to keep me in fear?

Could we grab the volume and reduce,

Anything to keep back the tears,

Can't trust my own thoughts,

If I speak them out loud,

Do they lose their power,

Or do they gain more ground?

With one good day,

A week is forgotten,

With one bad hour,

All nightmares are awoken,

The ringing won't stop,

No matter what i try,

Is this my mind trying to block,

Or trying to cry?

I have no reasons for this,

No trauma to blame,

My weapon is my brain,

But please, I beg you,

Can someone please tell me,

Where do I aim?